$%&*@#!!!!!!!

WHY THEM $&*&&%$$r AND THEM #%&&%@@!! AND THEY ALL ARE JUST F^$^&^&%$###! JUST LIKE THEY THINK &&%$@@#% BUT THEY ARE SOO FULL OF $$^**(^%$@@! JUST CUZ THEY GOT SOME #$%&*^%r$^&* BOOK LEARNING..... THEY THINK THEY %&^$$#$%^&^ ABOUT MY KID!!!!! I ATTA #%&*&&%#@ UP SIDE SOMEONES $%$#%%^^&##@@ HEAD!! THEN FALLOW UP WITH A#%&%$%#$@@@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR GOOD #$%^%^&%$r###@@@#!!!!

sorry guys just needed a little rant to make me feel better... sigh

So, the school said that your daughter is just a trouble maker and should be put on medication to turn her into a plyable zombie so they can further ignore their responsibilities of higher education????

lol them fancy gifts ya got are almost on the dot hunny. but its not my daughter........ its my son.

ok sorry back. i was in a hury to read treenz post. lol

any way yeah spent 2 hours yesterday in a "meeting" for terrys assements. with his teachers counsler and princapal. sigh

im...... mmmm..... oo heck im just soooooo darn frustrated!!!. so many bad words i want to say out of frustration.

his counsler DARED TO TRY TO TELL ME!!!!!! ME HIS MOTHER!!!! that my son was "savearly A.D.H.D." AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ooo yeah there is a "AND" said " this child needs to be placed on stimualnt drugs now"

yeah can you belave that crap???

a 10 yr old ashinbergers little boy is "saverly A.D.H.D" and needs "stimualant drugs now" ???

i told her i "savearly 100% dissagree with you" AND ooo yeah hunnys i had a "AND" for that (lord forgive me i dont have a nice word in my vocabluary to use for her) women. " my son will never I REPEAT NEVER be giveing any mind altering and or "enhaceing" drugs what so ever at any time for any reason"

she was apalled at my statements.

ooooo guys im feeling a rant come on you all might want to just click out of this post all together OR get a pack of smoks and pot of colfee. you all thing that fishin story was long.

lets go a back in time a bout 10 years to the night i conceved my baby boy. the night i lay in bed and i KNEW that motherly knowlage that FINDLY GOD HAD GRANTED MY PAYERS FOR A SON!! the night i lay there silantly next ot my sleepin husband. and with trears rolling down my face on to my pillow PRAZED AND THANKED GOD with all that was in my being for my little man i KNEW he had just placed with in ME!!

thats right guys God him self had enought faith and trust in me to give me one of his oun. to raise love protect and guide. down a path back to him one day.

can ya all tell i was beside my self with joy? yeah well even that dont not compair to my emotons at the time.

any way i do recall God tellin me that this child was specal. he was a chossen one and a dearly loved one.

i knew that to mean my son would one day trun the heads of many and change the life of many as they knew it. and all for the glory of God. but have to admit i never dreamed alll this would have to come first. all this drama work stress and heat ake would have to come first.

soooo jan 29 1999 833pm terry is born. LOL oooooo and they floped him up on my tummy to see him wile dan cut the cord.. lmao no yucky sticky goo like you see on most babys. no white pasty crap eather. no blood guts or gore. but this PERFICT SWEET pink little boy with BIG BLUE EYES and black hairs. tinny little lips. skinny scronny little arms and legs. with little hand and feets atached and EVERY SINGLE LITTLE finger and toe in perfict place. HAHAHA he was handsome he just looked up at me with them big blue eyes. as if to say ... hey i know you.. you insisted on that spicy stake lunches and pepsi sodas. lol and yes my heart melted for him at first site.

bounce a head 3 months. to a franticly worryed mommy. of now 2 babys a gorguse little baby girl not yet 2 still in didies and pick frilly dresses. and new big sister you know. lol and my little terry.

no one could see what i seen. no one understood my conserns said i was just a worry wart of a mom. that he is fine just to feed him more or maybe my milk is bad or try a new formula. ect ect ect... but he was shrinking i could see it i knew it. my husband couldnting seems to see it but I DID. findly i gatherd the kids and took the city buss to his doctors office. same doc we had had sence the birth of sophia. she was a wonderful doctor and i truested her.

SURE AS CHIT the boy was infact SMALLER then birth.... he was at a lower then birth waight.

the doctor useing her mothering gut feelings her knowlage of me as a person and friend AND her fance medical book learning set to frantic work tryin to figor out what the heck was worng and going on. why was he (for lack of any better word) "shrinking"

we tested my brest milk. we tryed all formulas in the stores and even did some resuch on home made formulas and goats milks. she even tryed one of her old contrys formulas she gave her sons.

he did gain about 14 ounces of waight over 2 weeks. but even still with fallowing what was workin it to begain to fail. and he quickly lost that wait and began to lose more. so she had him placed in the hospital that very same day with in hours to have a team of speclast look over every detail we might have missed. he was to have a full 7 day stay with all testings they could think of to find out what is the matter. i took little mommy corses on "how to feed my baby" lmao duh. and was with him as much as i could posably be.

they did brain scanes they did dye in the tummy scans they did blood work and spinle tip work they did dna ( what ever the hell they where lookin for i have no clue) test after test after test they ran on this little boy.... for 3 full days. but ever single one of them came back 100% normal. they found NOTHING medicly, mentlely, physicly. worng with this baby boy after 3 full days. then they came to the conlustion he was a " failor to thrive child" they desided MY SON WAS JUST GONNA DIE!! they told me i was to take him home to say my good byes.

well thats about the time this mommy WIGGED THE F*** OUT ON THEM. to say it lightly and all. i told them i would not be takeing my son home to die. he WAS NOT a failor to thrive child. and that they will keep him the FULL 7 DAYS his doctor had sugested and signed for. (this demand would later trun on me)

they gave me the ol " now we understand your pain, we know this is hard to take, we are here for you if you need to talk" bullchit. and sent in a counsler for me to help me though this "hard time of a loss of a child" and this only inraged me more. as i KNEW they where worng. a failor to thrive child is a pretty much almost lifeless child. they dont smile cry laugh reach out for mommy or love. they dont try to suckle at the brest or a bottle. they dont try to live or seem to show the will to do so.
this was NOT MY SON he did all these things and more. he LOVED life at just 3 months old you could see a zest for wanting to play with toys and lookin and reaching out to you. he cryed for bottles and for butt changes. he reached for his stuffed beanie baby rooster. and he would sit with a bent straw for ever just twrling it bettween his tinny little hands. i KNEW they had missed the mark. on this little boy. and with all those test was there nothing else to look for?

well he did stay the full 7 days. as was fist planed.

but after the 4th day the tables had turned. my son was no longer being looked to for a dieagnoses or cure. i was now the one under the microsope.

maybe i was not feeding him right? maybe i was doing somehting worng........

they never found any thing worng with terry. to this day the records still show nothing worng and read failor to thrive.

so on the 7th day we whent home. they had set up for a home nurse to come by 2 times a day. to way him and his dipers for the day as well. to check on his feeding records and make a over all assements of his well being for the nest few weeks in witch time they expected him to die.

mader then a wet hen and more scared then ever in my hole live we whent home. the next morning i got a knock at the door. expecting it to be his nurse i opend it.
ONLY IT WAS NOT HIS NURSE it was CHILD PROTECTAVE SERVICES.
the SOBs at the hospital had sugested that maybe i might need to be investagated. it was the counsler in fact that made the call. she admited it to me later that week in a hospital board meeting and did apolgize for the mistake. but the damage was done.

any way so the man pushes his way in to my home. and begains to intaragate ME AS A MOTHER and my home. i answer his questions and comply with his bullchit. this beein my first time with the cps i really didnt know what i was up against and so this only intensifyed my fears stress and worrys.

soon after he showed the nurse did as well. i invited her in to see about terry as i delt with the dectived/investagor.

he begain questioning the nurse as to why she was there. what what her reasons or her orders to be there. who gave her orders. and who was paying her to do them. you coudl see she was wondering what the hell was going on as well.

he then told her to LEAVE!! that this child was diagnosed as a failor to thirve childs and it was " dam well time this women realized that and dealt with it" speaking of me. the nurse looked at him confused. and said " this child dones not aper to be a failor to thrive child to me. and my records do not state that here"

that nurse will NEVER know how much relife she gave me with those few small words. at that moment.

but he shewed her out the door any way. and i guess behind the seens later had her removed form my case. it woudl also seem so was my doctor of so many years. as she told me privitly on the phone. that cps had removed her rights to terry and sophia. she coudl not leagly praice medacen on the children any longer.

sooooo many things this SOB had control over. i was shocked how the heck could one cps worker take a way all medical rights as i had known them form my kids and my family? just for starters.

so another month goes by.... this man at my door sometimes 2x a day. with is nose so far up my ass i asure you hell never bealble to smell a rose agian with out it being the essenc of serina.

and my son is still alive. not really gaining waigh that i could tell. but still alive and very happy. with out being able to take him for medical serviced i could only guess at any waigh gain or loss in the time.

well now we have a hole new issue and prob.... see my son did not die as they all said he would. and was infact thiveing reather well. aww so you see now the REAL PROB HAD TO BE HIS MOTHER me. and this cps worker made the detrumation that I was munchousm syindorm.

sweeties ill retrun to this rant latter i need to get the kidos off to school.

Awwww, WC...all I can do is send you a big cuddle.

meh hun this is all 10 yr ago just the starters of the issues they (as in fancy over egamacated book learning head honchos) have put me and little terry though. all this info should be consiterd in his evaluations to day. but contiusly are passed off and unimportant.

long story short up there. ended up i got pissed. got fed up with being bullyed around as a mother.

all thogh he sure did a hell of a job diging ever grain of dirt up on me he could from my past to pove his theory, (inclueding and not limited to my past as a child. melestation physical abuse reports from shcools and other athoritys. old court doucments of my mothers devorce and phyicalgal testing of me resolting from said devorc. and all the numbers sitictics to suport his clame. ect ect ect.) he did infact fail. see this worker for got to look at what was at that time my present. LMAO i didnt fit any of the symtomes and or live any thing relateing to the sitictics. and was in fact at that time workin for the medical comunity.

the worker also for got to cover his ass with whom i had contacts with and what strings i could pull to get the truth out. basicly he f***ed up on the ol rule of thum. " know they enyme" lol spellin still sucks.

by this time i had pulled out a old phone number of a old high shcool friend whoms daddy was ever so very fond of me and just so happend to be the deputy district atturny. and i asked him what rights do i have? what can i do? and how do i do it? he gave me all the info i needed to slam dunk this workers ass to the ground. i YES i used ever bit of ammo i had gatherd to f*** his world up. and consquently rip his job as a socal worker right out from under him...... mmm do i feel guilty??? HELL NO I DONT FEEL A DAM BIT GUILTY.

seems at this time california was in a little hot water in regards to cps. seems over 5000 children under their supervision had lost their lifes to abuse or nagelet or murder over that past year. they where now out on a witch hunt. for any and all familys to bring back their status. and this man picked the worng mommy to F with. he deserved what he got and i dont regret it. AND my son is clearly still here a live and well to this day.

i tell you all this cuz this info is clearly important to his testing and understanding of the issues to this day in the here and now. this shows medical proof my son has had questionable issues in the past. that never got resalved BUT the mommy was corect in her statments and perdictions.

soo what do i as a mommy beleave is why my son is here and not layin 6ft under as they had so detrumend would be the out come?????

simply put. God. when i had nothing else no other resorces. no one to lison to me no one to help him or the family. i turned to him and his word. and by god ill bleave him over any person on this earth any day.

He told me my son was specal loved and chossen. HE was the only one left to heal. fix. mend what ever you want to call it, that was worng with him. so with his power and my hands my hubby and i layed hands and prayed for terry.

also at this time i could no longer aford the 17bucks a can of formula they had him on. so with out tellin them or any one i took him off the formula and put him on vit D freash moo juice.

with in 2 WEEKS of prayer and moo juice the boy not only put on the waigh he so despritly needed. BUT HE BECAME over waight for the average child of his age. lol skin and bones to fat rolls OVER fat rolls. 2 weeks. that is clearly in my eyes. 110% + Gods work.

oh my goodness I am at a loss as what to say Mommy*hug*

so terry grows up hehehe. gosh he was and is a great kid. i do so love him dearly. mommy little man and my only son of 4 kids.

over the years. his fasination of spining worly things never left him. he still would sit quitly in his own little bubble space with straws lefts blades of grass. wheels. ANY THING he could get his hands of to tweral around and a round and a round for some times hours if i whould have let him.

by the age of 10 months he was out of his crib and in a youth bed.( always felt when a kid can clime its time to take them out of the crib for their safty. those falls can be very harmful.)

i noticed he didnt sleep like normal kids or people do. infact my oun mother in law woudl not have him over night cuz he scared her at night with his sleepin habits.
such habits inclueded and still include..
flopin around like a dead fish
walking
talkin
tight bundles of heavy blankits.
sitting up right
sleepin with his eyes wide open.
and most if not EVERY night he would end up UNDER his bed in a ball butt in the air eyes wide open. sound a sleep.
yeah i know kinda freaky lol still does this to this day. and still i get up at nights to lay him back down ON his bed with a pillow layin down and run my hands over his eyes to close them for him. lol or have to kinda wake him a little to get him to stop the flopin around. so he can rest peacefuly for a few hours a night.

by the time he was 1 and a half we noticed other things that at the time just figord "its a boy thing"
examples. his great interest in the manical working of EVERY THING IN MY DAM HOUSE!!! never knew what apliace he would have tore apart for me that day. we got him his own little set of real live tools hehehe crafmen ones. but they where kids sized.

by his 2nd year he had not only taken apart my telephone but had also put it all back together and REPAIRED IT.

yeah some one would think we would see this as some act of a genius at that time. BUT we didnt. we jsut figored he was a boy doing boy stuff with tools.

over the years he repaird many things with his tools. vcr. toaster. mixer. bike, chaged oil in the car, tires brakes ect ect. true he had help with musle for the car repairs. but he knew what he was doing. and befor long sat with daddy and the men discuseing the ins and outs of a gas powerd moter by speck and with outstanding understanding of the hows and whys.

he also had GREAT fears of odd things around him. he was a very fearful child. a firetruck toy santa brough him for x-mas. Truely sceard the hell of of this kid.. but un like most kids. who would run form a fear. he would run TO the fearful thing and chace it screamin in panic. a dafadile flower in my garden one year. had sping up at the frount steps of the house. befor budding terry took a MAJOR FEAR to this flower. and would go in to full fleged screamin atacks and hyperventalat over the mear though of me ever going in and out the door. took us 2 days to figor out what was making my peacful quite son soooo fearful out side. LMAO IT WAS nothing more then a unbuded dafadile.

so over the years he grew to a hadsome little man. EVERY ONES love and joy. EVERY ONE loved him said repeatively. how polite he was. or careing or understnading and what a wonderful peace maker he was with the fights between his now new little sister and his big sister. and how "quite" a little boy he was.

most the time terry sat a lone. not really comeing to any one for any atention. if he was not in a detailed conversation with other adults (ALWAYS in regards to some kind of macanical information about some thing) he was in his own quite little world with his werlys. or as he called them his perpellers. he would take any thing even a tooth pick and carfuly split it in to 4 and bend them just right that they would spin the best. and with one in his hand nostop spining he would sit and watch things of great interst to him. like the sec hand on a clock. or the fan blades spining. although he would comuitate with you. it was most the time you who had to start the chat.

any one seeing a little unique patter comeing together here?

Knew it the moment you mentioned wrapped up tight as a ball at night....


autisum.

well i now despritly wish i had at the time.....

by the time he was in kindergarden he for the most part knew most his letters numbers and how to wright his name. but at first the teacher could not get him to "pay atention" to her insructions. this called for a parant teacher meeting. lol. and once we had our little meeting she took a great interst in terry. she took him a side and worked iwth him on a differant lvl of the other kids. she fallowed some of my sugestions with now to get him to focus in on the task at hand. in a way he would find interesting. example. when learing to wright his letters. he was to pretend the pincel tip was a car. and the markins where that of burning rubber from the tires. and the gole was to make that rubber look like the other "track marks" THIS worked great and befor long he was headin to the top of his class. BUT woudl still need a little extra prompt to get started and get the tasks done.

his first scianc project.....

he did his project even though he was not expected to do so in kindergarden. his project was on hellocopitors. how and why they fly. he made to the best he could with some of mommys help glueing and cuting little hellocopitors our of paper and toilit paper rolls. for his report he would sit and try his best to wright out his jernal and resuch info. onec he had done this on his own. we would sit down and he would help me translate his words so i could rewright them so every one could read it.

he won 1st place in k-1 sciance fair that year. for his work. they atfirst didnt bleave HE did the project. and so to test him they had him stand and verbaly explain his project and tell why the hellocopitor could fly.

HE BOY BLOW THEIR SOCKS OFF with his very detailed explanation of the wind factors and needed degrees of angles on the blades. along with the spining ... m m m bla bla bla.. (honestly i dont even compleatly understand all that stuff.)

so he came home with a first place ribbon.

that is but only one sign of autisum. he shows hun. the spining of the objects. the intence understanding and adiction to knowlage of sciance and macanics. his sleepin his lack of socal skills.patters are only a few things we had noticed at his age. BUT NEVER SEEN THEM as any thing to think any thing of. we always just seen him as a little boy doing boy things and we inceraged him to do them.

after the sciance fair was the first time i had ever heard of autisum.

i sat with a few other mothers at a class party they where haveing. and we got to yaping. some begain quetioning me why terry seemd to sit alone most the time. why he always was twerling his pincels why he seemed so quite compared to their kids or boys. he could not yet chech a ball (still cant to this day) he coudl not tie his shoes ( still cant to this day) and seemed to do every thing backwords ( still dose to this day) but yet was soo highly intelagent and to win a first place sciance fair ribbon to boot.
they where not mean about it at all really just wondering and asking and talkin about kids.
one mother had a brother that showed the same signs as terry. but only stonger. she expained that i might want to have him checked for autisum... i was like WTF IS AUTISUM? she gave a short explanation. and all though it was oddly interesting she seemed to have a great deal of info that really did kinda match terry. i still passed this off as a "whatever" kinda thing. as i still didnt see any thing odd about my son. and just seen him as any little boy. even if he could not play any sport or do any phycical corandantions. and as for learning to put on his cloths frountways or tieing his shoes or not spinning a object 24 - 7 i figored he would learn...... (these things to this day have not been learned by my son.)

and on to first grade.....
the chit hits the fan. this is the start of his down word spiral of academic blows.

but i guess ill have to tell you all about that later. i gots to go pick up the kidos from shcool now.